Head Cleaning (Without Shock Therapy)

Mom woke up from a nap in tears today, asking me to make sure they didn't give her the shock treatment. She thought that they had given her electroshock "therapy" yesterday. I promised her that I would never, ever let anyone give her shock treatment. I don't know whether she ever had shock "therapy." If so, it would have been before I was born.

Mom worries frequently, almost always about things that are not happening. My sister is not in prison, Gary's mother didn't just die, and we are not late for the party that happened seven years ago. She wants reassurance that, if it's warm enough, we will leave the back side of the square open. (?) She is so sincerely concerned about each and every "problem." Even if she only remembers most of them for a few minutes, she has a new worry to replace each one she forgets.

And it's all for nothing. She is worrying about things that are not real. It makes me reflect upon my own "realistic" worries. (Such as using quotation marks on too many words in this post.) But really: I'm not currently out of money for my immediate needs. I am already past the worst mistakes I've made so far, and have more wisdom to avoid them in the future. I have no evidence that I will not succeed in my chosen career. I am still resilient, with no signs that I am any less strong than ever. I even suspect that no one cares about my "wrinkles."

When the rational coping mechanisms fail, one sees what is hanging out under the surface. It looks big. How do we even function, given the magnitude of our worries and bad feelings?

I am seriously considering undertaking a new mission: eradication of any ways that I undermine or second-guess my own happiness. I see that this will mean taking some risks, like no longer guarding against being disappointed and being criticized and being ignored. Because guarding against these fears is anticipating them. And expecting bad things to happen undermines my happiness.

Would you all do me a favor? Figure out what you're on guard against in your own head. And then, would you please consider staring it down, and telling it that it is not real and should get lost? Then figure out what it takes for you to really believe that. I don't want to end up full of fears waiting to jump on me. And I don't want you to either. We all have lives to live, thank G-d.